8 months. I wonder if it was a good decision back than that I made, which I know requires sacrifices. Which I thought I was numbed to, but maybe I was just keeping it away. Away so that I wouldn’t feel it. My feelings barricaded, kept inside waiting.

I need time off. To think. Away from all these. They keep me away from thinking. From reflecting. I need a holiday. But, I wonder what is it that I’ll find at the end. When I’m done with thinking. What would it be?

Sometimes, MOST of the time, I don’t know what I want. I just drift and float, seeing what comes, and take things at face level. Dreamer. Yeah, maybe that’s what I’ll be called. Taking control of things when it comes. Facing it head on. Looking back at the stuff, I wonder, was it all a dream? It feels like a dream. Should I have done something differently? What difference would it make?

and rose again/3:30 AM