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Tuesday, July 07, 2009
so damn tired of everything. Sunday was a hell of a day. everything was going fine when i called him, till i mentioned i was going out with lw. than he became unhappy. he was like 'why didn't you ask me?' i didn't know i was supposed to ask him -.- when he was the one who said he was OK with lw. than slowly as always, the quarrel spiraled out of control. he started bringing in the past. yihan...yongqiang.... i don't know why he always does that. it's simply damn annoying. I've already apologized numerous times, on many occasions, and yet he brings it up again and again. i don't even feel remorseful anymore. and yet, that night was the most hurtful comment ever. he was like 'you might just sleep with another guy when i turn my back'. i flared up immediately saying 'please, even if you have such an imagination don't insult me','i feel damn insulted by the way you think of me'. furthermore, this isn't the first time he said that. he called me a slut and a whore once while quarreling. i don't know whats worse. i just felt as if my heart was numb from it all. and yet, my tears just flowed till i was too tired to cry. i just felt like he doesn't know me. i felt hurt knowing that he thought this way of me. i didn't even feel like talking to him anymore. i couldn't sleep till 2 plus am. everything felt so surreal. i got up calling lw, telling him everything. his reply was the same as always. 'break up la grace, i've told you that countless of times'. and yet, it wouldn't be easy, not easy at all.
i don't ever wanna cry over another guy ever again. it just makes me feel so weak. i feel like i don't deserve all this. i feel so so tired. i wish it could all be gone when i awake. but no, it still remains. it feels like a nightmare which never disappears.
